Chapter Text
It had been a difficult few days for Sophie. After Keefe's promise to help her find her genetic parents, and his insistence that she tell Fitz she's unmatchable, and then Keefe's confession of feelings...followed by Fitz accidentally overhearing them discuss her being unmatchable...
That was already a lot to be getting on with.
But mix in her burgeoning realization that she had feelings for Keefe—and pretty strong ones, too, now that she was aware of them—and the fact that Fitz almost kissed her right in front of Keefe...
She'd announced right there that she needed some time to figure out what she wanted.
Only Keefe knew, fully, what she meant. But he betrayed none of that as he smiled at her and at Fitz and leapt back to the Shores of Solace with Ro.
Fitz thought she was just trying to decide if she really wanted to find her genetic parents.
He told her he understood.
He said to take her time deciding what she wanted to do about it.
He told her, honestly, that he struggled with the idea of being a bad match, and hoped she'd choose to find the answers she would need in order to register.
But then he'd also taken both of her hands in his own and waited for her to look him in the eye. "But I believe in us, Sophie," he'd told her fervently. "And I think this here, you and me...it's worth fighting for. So...take your time. And decide on whatyoucan live with." Then he'd given her that movie-star-worthy smile of his and softly kissed her forehead before leaping back to Everglen.
In short, he'd been really, really sweet about it.
Except...
He'd also been honest about the fact that his affection for her might not be enough to withstand being a bad match.
Shouldn't he just want to be with her regardless?
But...that wasn't fair. It flew in the face of everything he'd grown up believing. It would take a lot to overcome that.
But Keefe didn't care.
And he'd been so patient...he'd waited ages for her. And he'd made it clear that her happiness mattered to him, even if that was at his own expense.
She was quiet through dinner and knew Grady and Edaline could pick up on it, but was grateful that they didn't pester her about it.
Immediately following dinner, she went straight back to her room and sprawled out on her bed, lost in thought.
Or maybe she was just lost.
Sophie wasn't sure how much time passed before her Imparter rang. She was inclined to ignore it until she looked and saw that it was Keefe.
"Hey," she answered.
Keefe looked strangely shy when she answered, but a ghost of a smirk crossed his handsome features when he took in her appearance. "Foster," he reproached. "How many eyelashes have you tugged out?"
"How do you know I've tugged any out?"
"Because I can see one on your cheek."
Sophie sighed and used her free hand to wipe her cheeks, removing the offending eyelash. "I'm just...stressed."
Keefe nodded, his smirk gone. "I knew you would be. That's why I hailed you."
Her heart started pounding. "What do you mean?"
He looked like he was steeling himself for something unpleasant. "Well," he said after a second's pause, "I just wanted to tell you...I don't think you should give too much consideration to the whole unmatchable thing while trying to make your decision. I mean...I think you should just decide who you want regardless of that, if that makes sense."
"I...don't know if it does," Sophie admitted. "Me being unmatchable is necessarily a part of this, whoever I end up with."
"The thing is," Keefe said, his face flushing slightly, "I don't think it is. You already know I don't care, but I wouldn't want that to influence your decision."
"Oh," Sophie said, comprehension dawning on her. Wow, this was hard to talk about. But it was also necessary, so she took a deep breath and plunged right in. "Are you afraid I'll pick you only because it means not having to find my genetic family, instead of picking you because you're who I really want?"
"That's definitely part of it," Keefe agreed. "I mean, I'm not saying you don't know your own mind, because you absolutely do, but...I wouldn't want you to try to convince yourself you want me just because it'll be easier." He closed his eyes and took what looked like a very shaky breath. "But also, along that same vein, if you choose not to find your genetic family, I wouldn't want you to give up on Fitz, if he's who you really want."
"But—"
"He'd come around," Keefe told her, his voice full of conviction. "He may need some time, but he really cares about you, and I know in the end that will be more important to him. His parents would be the same. They love you. So...please, forallour sakes, but especially for yours...you decide who you really want, regardless of outside factors."
It was probably good that Keefe couldn't feel her emotions through the Imparter, because the way he was so selflessly concerned for what was best forherwas definitely making her swoon a little.
Okay, a lot.
"Thank you, Keefe," she told him seriously. "You don't know how much that means to me."
He gave her a sad smile and wished her a good night before clicking off his Imparter.
Sophie merely let out a frustrated groan. She wasn't likely to have a good night.
No matter what she decided, she would be losing something. No matter what she decided, someone would get hurt.
That was when Edaline came in to check on her.
"Sophie, sweetheart, are you okay?"
"Ugh," was all Sophie managed to say in response. But she forced herself to sit up as Edaline came to sit beside her, gently brushing Sophie's hair back out of her face.
"Care to elaborate?"
No.
Yes.
Ugh.
Edaline sat in silence, waiting patiently while Sophie tried to figure out what to say. Finally, she found herself spilling all of the details.
The way she'd gone to Keefe first about being unmatchable. Their plan to find her genetic parents for the sole purpose of being able to register.
The fact that it made her feel sick to even think about it.
The way she wasn't sure Fitz would stay with her if she didn't see it through.
How Keefe had confessed his own feelings the day before, and how she had begun to realize that she shared those feelings.
Edaline sat through it all, listening carefully. When Sophie finally fell silent, Edaline gave her a small smile. "So...what are you going to do?"
Sophie groaned. "I don't know. Can't you just...tell me who I'm supposed to pick?"
Edaline laughed. "No. I have my thoughts and opinions on who I think it'll be, but I could be wrong, and I wouldn't want to influence your decision. They're both good guys."
"Yeah, that's what makes this so hard."
"But," Edaline continued, "you're young. Picking a boy right now isn't the same as marrying him. That's the point of dating—to figure out if you're compatible, if it works. You have the right to change your mind."
Sophie sighed. "I guess."
But she knew it wasn't that simple. Fitz was her Cognate. And if she turned him down and started dating his best friend, that would not only strain their friendships with Fitz, but could jeopardize their Cognatedom. Sophie knew that she couldn't choose Fitz just to keep her Cognate, but she also knew that this could bring about a permanent change.
Even if she later ended up going back to Fitz, if their Cognate relationship fractured, there'd be no way of getting it back.
"I can see that smart little mind of yours hard at work," Edaline told her, rubbing her back soothingly. "So let me just say...Grady and I will support you, whatever you decide. And just try to think about it from every angle. They're both kind. They both like you. And they're a lot alike in many ways, but very different in others. Which boy do you feel most comfortable with, most compatible with? Which boy would be willing to take you at your best and at your worst?"
Sophie felt a traitorous tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm probably being stupid," she muttered, wiping the tear away.
"You're not being stupid. It's a big decision. It doesn't have to be permanent, but that doesn't mean it isn't big."
"Aren't you supposed to tell me I'm just a teenager and I'm too young to be that concerned about this?"
Edaline shook her head. "No, Sophie. For one thing, you are wise and mature beyond your years. For another, I have known many people that fell in love at your age and ended up marrying that person after graduating. It happens more here than it probably does in the Forbidden Cities. But plenty of people also take a long time deciding. Both options are okay. Plus," she added, sorrow filing her eyes, "Jolie and Brant were inseparable from the age of six, and they were very much in love. And honestly, you've never struck us as the type that would date around very much. You're too steady, too loyal, and too stubbornto change your mind easily."
"What's this about Sophie being stubborn?" Grady's voice called from the doorway.
"We're just talking about boys," Edaline told him, winking at Sophie.
"Oh. Great." Grady walked into the room, looking like boy talk was anythingbutgreat.
"Don't worry, Grady, I think we're done. Our daughter has a good head on her shoulders. And," Edaline added, giving Sophie a quick hug, "she has a tough decision to make. We should let her get to it."
Grady raised his eyebrows. "I see. Well then, just remember we're here if you need advice, and that we love you." He kissed her cheek. "Good night, kiddo."
With that, they left Sophie alone with her thoughts.
Sophie tossed and turned for what felt like hours. It felt like an impossible decision.
And at the same time...it didn't.
In the early hours of the morning, just before sleep finally found her, she admitted to herself for the first time that she knew what she really wanted.
She stayed home the next day, not going anywhere or seeing anyone. Feeling mildly thankful that Foxfire was still on hiatus, she forced down a few bites of breakfast and walked outside, desperate for fresh air. She went straight for the Panakes, sitting down under its branches and thinking things through.
If she did this...she needed to be certain. Because as much as she felt sure that it was the right decision, it really did mean letting go of someone she'd held on to for a long time. Hopefully not forever, but it would alter things, some of which might be irreparable.
She decided to sit with her decision for the rest of the day and to sleep on it that night. Desperate not to be hasty, not to rush into something.
But she never wavered. She grieved the upcoming repercussions, a friendship perhaps forever altered, never to be what it was before. She hated the heartache she knew she would cause and hoped it would be short-lived.
And when she woke the next morning, she knew it was time.
So after getting ready and spending slightly more time picking an outfit and fixing her hair than she normally would have done, she reached out to Fitz.
